While some of you may read this and stare blankly at your computer, I have not stopped chuckling.

As some of you may know I’m in Los Angeles this week for business and I’m staying at one of the Hilton hotels. Tonight I was walking through the lobby and passed by an older man, probably 65 or so, and two older women of a similar age. As I walked passed the group of seniors the man says “we’re probably paying for Paris’ next get-out-of-jail free card.”

Given the context of where I am and the hotel I’m staying at, that is pure comedy.

A report released yesterday by the University of Michigan’s American Customer Satisfaction Index (ACSI) revealed that for the first time Yahoo has beaten Google when it comes to customer satisfaction. The report showed Yahoo as improving last year’s score by 3.9% to 79 out of 100, and Google falling 3.7% from last year to 78 out of 100.

Although Google remains the dominant search engine, the survey claims that Yahoo is gaining user approval for its network of Web sites, email, social networks, etc. Such popular Yahoo-owned services include Flickr and Del.icio.us.

The ACSI report used interview data from 70,000 customers to measure satisfaction with more than 200 companies in 45 industries. The data was compiled during the second quarter and at least 250 respondents were interviewed for each company included.

Three cheers to Yahoo for taking care of us!

Earlier this month Republican presidential candidate Tom Tancredo reiterated that the way to stop a terrorist attack from occurring in the U.S. is by attacking the holy sites of Mecca and Medina in Saudi Arabia as retaliation. The Colorado Republican added that this was the only thing he could think of that could prevent somebody from doing what they may otherwise do.

“If it is up to me, we are going to explain that an attack on this homeland of that nature would be followed by an attack on the holy sites in Mecca and Medina. Because that’s the only thing I can think of that might deter somebody from doing what they otherwise might do.”

It doesn’t end there. I say reiterated in the first paragraph because in a 2005 radio address he made similar remarks, claiming that if an attack was determined to be a result of radical Islam that one could “take out their holy sites.”

“Well, what if you said something like — if this happens in the United States, and we determine that it is the result of extremist, fundamentalist Muslims, um, you know, you could take out their holy sites.”

This is a great example of the abhorrent leadership that is percolating throughout the United States currently. On the right you have innumerable conservatives pushing the anti-terror, pro-war agenda and trying to make us live in fear so that we may cede unprecedented control of our lives over to Bush and Co. And on the left you have unaccountable idiocrats who have had so many opportunities to halt the runaway Neo-Con train and have failed miserably time after time.

I don’t feel it prudent to delve into the logic behind why attacking Islam’s holiest sites is a bad idea, as this should be well beyond self-evident, but if for some reason you are lacking in reason let me know and I’ll be happy to revisit this.

Who’d have known that Dick Cheney was a fortune teller? Back in 1994, Cheney claimed that if we had invaded Baghdad during the first Gulf War we would have been all alone with nobody with us, “it would have been a U.S. occupation of Iraq.”

Isn’t it amazing how a person’s perspective can change when you put them back into power?

How far would you go to get an iPhone? Would you start cutting back on your meal costs? Would you go out less frequently to save money on liquor? Would you work a little overtime or pick up a second job? How about a vasectomy? For one Gizmodo reader, the choice was simple.

(Image courtesy of Gizmodo)

Mr. Johnson — yes that’s his real name — was given a yearly budget by his wife, but unfortunately for him, by the time the iPhone came out in June he had already depleted it. Defying wife’s orders, he went out a purchased a 4GB iPhone from an AT&T store. Upon learning what her husband had done, Mrs. Johnson deemed his behavior “absolutely unacceptable” and forced him to return the beloved JesusPhone.

Over the next few days the wife noticed her husband’s depression and sought to make a deal. “How badly do you want the iPhone?” she asked him. “Badly,” Mr. Johnson replied to her. Knowing her husband was at his most vulnerable and conniving to fulfill her hidden agenda, the wife popped the question, “would you be willing to finally make that appointment for a vasectomy?”

Mr. Johnson is loving his 8GB iPhone.

Kudos to Mr. Johnson, as much as I love my iPhone, there’s no way I would ever take it this far. This gives a whole new meaning to “make the switch” to Mac…

Vince Vaughn is one of my favorite actors and has been at the top of the comedy game for much of this century. I think one could describe his humor as sarcastically derogatory — aka stuff guys love. As a tribute to Vaughn I have gone through many of his best films and pulled out his top 50 lines (IMO). For the sake of simplicity I have grouped them according to what movie they’re from, and the numbering system is merely a counter not a ranking as to try and rank these things would be next to impossible.

Since most of these movies are rated “R” I feel like I should throw out a little disclaimer here. So for those who get offended by profanity — excessive at times — please click elsewhere on the site.

Here now are the top 50 Vince Vaughn movie quotes:

The Break-Up

1. Gary: Is that how you want to play it? Cause I’ll play it like that. I’ll play it like Lionel Richie, all night long, lady. Oh yeah. I’ll call some guys from my neck of the woods. And we’re not talking about, Brooke, about a couple of queens who know a few grapples. We’re talking about Polacks that don’t have a goddamn future. That’s right. We can make shit real uncomfortable around here, and that’s what we’re going to do.

2. Gary: There’s a real big gap between getting your ass kicked and having a dancing, singing sprite fool you with trickery and then strike your throat before you even know you’re in a fight. But I wouldn’t expect someone like you to understand that, because all you do is make moves from up in your ivory tower.

3. Gary: Do you think there’s a chance your mom won’t love you anymore when she sees how badly you’re getting beaten right now?

4. Gary: “Band of Brothers”… you should rent it sometime

5. Gary: Please don’t touch my ruffles. Put that one back.

6. Gary: Listen, Lassie, and listen good. I’m not saying he’s not gonna get married. I’m not saying he’s not gonna have kids. If it does happen, his wife is gonna come home, and find him with his Tiajuana lover clubbing each other with Yanni’s greatest hits.

7. Gary: I’m the one who should be sorry, Brooke. I shouldn’t sit here and pick on your art, because you’ve got the ‘nuts’ down, Picasso! All you have to do is cut off your frigging ear.

8. Gary: No, I’m not crazy and a lot of times people go “Oh that’s crazy!” then they go “It’s genious!”. That’s what happened to the person who invented fire, they burned that witch and guess what, then they got warm and they ate good stuff.

Wedding Crashers

9. Jeremy Grey: That we’re all one. That separateness is an illusion, and that I’m one with everyone - with the Prime Minister of England, and my cousin Harry, you and me, the fat kid from ‘What’s Happening,’ the Olsen twins, Natalie Portman, the guy who wrote ‘Catcher in the Rye,’ Nat King Cole, Carrot Top, Jay-Z, Weird Al Yankovic, Harry Potter, if he existed, the whore on the street corner, your mother. We’re all one.

10. Jeremy Grey: That was my first Asian!

11. Jeremy Grey: [sigh] Janice, I apologize to you if I don’t seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don’t like the feeling. You’re sitting there, you’re wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested I’m not really interested, should I play like I’m interested but I’m not that interested but I think she might be interested but do I want to be interested but now she’s not interested? So all of the sudden I’m getting, I’m starting to get interested… And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door cause then it’s awkward, it’s like well goodnight. Do you do like that ass-out hug? Where you like, you hug each other like this and your ass sticks out cause you’re trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don’t kiss them at all? It’s very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you’re just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called “just the tip”. Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or, ouch, ouch you’re on my hair.

12. Jeremy Grey: [speaking to the priest] This girl’s fit for a strait-jacket. I mean she’s fucked three ways to the weekend. But you know what, Father? I dig it!

13. Jeremy Grey: [laughing pleasurably ] Oh, ha ha ha, he’s joking around. It feels so good when he jokes.

14. Jeremy Grey: Well snap out of it! What, a hot older women made you feel her cans? Stop crying like a little girl.

15. Jeremy Grey: Why don’t you try getting jacked off under the table in front of the whole damn family and have some real problems, jackass. Hey, what were they like anyway? They looked pretty good, are they real? Are they built for speed or comfort? What’d you do with them? Motorboat? You play the motorboat?
[makes sputtering motorboat noise]
Jeremy Grey: You motorboatin son of a bitch! You old sailor you! Where is she? She still in the house?

16. Jeremy Grey: Erroneous! Erroneous! Erroneous on both accounts!

17. Jeremy Grey: Yeah? Well, the proper girl in the hat just eye-fucked the shit out of me.

18. Jeremy Grey: I got a stage five. Virgin. Clinger.

19. Jeremy Grey: [Confessing to the priest] You wanna know what the kicker is, father? Maybe I’M a little fucking crazy. That’s right, maybe Jeremy’s a little nuts. Maybe there’s something about me that I’m a little cukoo. I know it’s a surprise, I know it’s not on the surface. I mean, I had an imaginary friend when I was kid, and his name was Shiloh! We used to play checkers with each other every day, and bless his heart, Shiloh would always let me win!

Mr. and Mrs. Smith

20. Eddie: [shouts] Mom! We are on high alert here. I almost killed you right then! You do not even realize!

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy

21. Wes Mantooth: Dorothy Mantooth is a Saint!

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story

22. Peter La Fleur: Come on, Kate. It’s time to put your mouth where our balls are.

23. Peter La Fleur: I found that if you have a goal, that you might not reach it. But if you don’t have one, then you are never disappointed. And I gotta tell ya… it feels phenomenal.

24. Peter La Fleur: Hey, White. I didn’t think that Nazi camp got out until eight. Did you decide to skip arts and crafts?

25. Peter La Fleur: You’re adopted! Your parents don’t even love you!

26. Peter La Fleur: Hang on a second. You wanna become a cheerleader to prove you are not a loser?

27. Peter La Fleur: Absolutely. In some cases, there’s two somebodies for one person. I like to call that “the jackpot”.

Starsky & Hutch

28. Reese Feldman: Ya know, I believe it was our buddy Bill Shakespeare who said, “To err is human, but to forgive, well that’s right on.”

Old School

29. Beanie: Max, can you earmuff for me? We are going to get so much ass here, it’s going to be sick. I’m talking like crazy boy band ass.

30. Beanie: Alright, let me be the first to say congratulations to then. You get one vagina for the rest of your life. Real smart Frank. Way to work it through.

31. Beanie: Well why don’t you give me your number in case anything happens to my wife.

32. Beanie: Whoa. Whoa. Why the F-ing? Why in front of the kid? All ya gotta do is say “earmuffs” to him, and you can say “Fuck, shit, bitch.”
Frank: Cock. Balls.
Beanie: I’m just trying to make a point, Frank. You don’t have to celebrate it.

33. Beanie: Yeah, that’s it. I got a student alt rock band coming on next. Mitch, I own six speaker cities. I am worth three a half million dollars that the government knows about. I got more electronics up there than a damn KISS concert. you think I’m gonna roll out this type of red carpet for a fucking marching band? Just make sure you can see the stage.

34. Beanie: Six weeks ago Abdul here had a one way ticket to an arranged marriage with a broad he never met in Bangladesh. Now he’s crushing ass every Thursday night at our mixers.

35. Beanie: You think I like avoiding my wife and kids to hangout with nineteen year old girls everyday?

36. Beanie: Well, Columbus wasn’t looking for America, my man, but that turned out to be pretty okay for everyone.

37. Beanie: I have a wife and kids. Do I seem like a happy guy to you, Frank?

38. Beanie: [from a deleted scene] Can you do me a favor and tell Mitch it’s perfectly okay to have sex with a 17-year-old?

Made

39. Ricky Slade: Here’s 50 bucks, take this in case I get drunk and call you a bitch later.

Psycho

40. Norman Bates: We all go a little mad sometimes.

Swingers

41. Trent: And you got these fucking claws and these fangs, man! And you’re looking at your claws and you’re looking at your fangs. And you’re thinking to yourself, you don’t know what to do, man. “I don’t know how to kill the bunny.” With *this* you don’t know how to kill the bunny, do you know what I mean?

42. Trent: You’re so money and you don’t even know it!

43. Trent: All I do is stare at their mouths and wrinkle my nose, and I turn out to be a sweetheart.

44. Trent: I don’t want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie everyone’s *really* hoping makes it happen. I want you to be like the guy in the rated R movie, you know, the guy you’re not sure whether or not you like yet. You’re not sure where he’s coming from. Okay? You’re a bad man. You’re a bad man, Mikey. You’re a bad man, bad man.

45. Trent: There’s nothing wrong with letting the girls know that you’re money and that you want to party.

46. Trent: Hey! What’re you kicking me for? You want me to ask? All right, I’ll ask! Ma’am, where do the high school girls hang out in this town?

47. Trent: Oh Mikey you don’t want all that “Pirates Of The Caribbean” horseshit, or the “Rock and Roll Grunge Tip”. Guys like you and me gotta kick it here, old school.

48. Trent: Like fuckin’ House of Pain was gonna do anything?

49. Trent: I’m the asshole is this place, right? I’m the asshole? I’m outta here! I’m not eating here… I wouldn’t eat here… I’d never eat here anyway!

50. Trent: Score Chicago!
Sue: Fuck! Such fuckin’ bullshit!
Trent: [Trent hits the instant replay] Now that was pretty Sue…
Sue : Man, don’t do the instant replay thing…
Trent: No way, you said it was fuckin’ bullshit.
Sue: Don’t do the fucking…
Trent: Well that’s why they put the instant replay in the fucking game! So you can see if it’s bullshit!
Sue: You’re unbelieveable.
Trent: Well you know something, I am unbelievable.
Sue: [Trent shoves Sue] Don’t fucking touch me.
Trent: When I’m not here will you practice?

Feel free to chime in with which ones are your faves or add any that I may have missed.